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How to behave in the event of a separation?

It is devastating to be suddenly and unexpectedly faced with the prospect of separation from one’s partner.  Often men do not talk about their dissatisfaction and their unhappiness and remain silent right up to the point where it is no longer possible to save the relationship.  But women too also avoid saying anything.  The two partners withdraw from one another, distance themselves from each other, end the relationship within themselves.  The other person is presented with a fait accompli at a stage when it is virtually impossible to go back.  Some partners stay together for the sake of their children until the situation becomes intolerable.  Nevertheless, the idea of a separation has taken root in their head.  A sudden separation strikes the other person like a thunderbolt and can have disastrous consequences: many people sink into despair, their self-esteem is seriously undermined and some feel totally destroyed.

Anyone seriously envisaging divorce should confront their partner with their doubts about the relationship as soon as possible in order to clarify the situation.  Should the relationship nevertheless end in divorce, the partner would at least have had the chance to make an effort to save it.  Explaining the reasons for the break-up also makes it easier to accept the loss.  It is important not to destroy all that has been shared together, however great the difficulties at the end of the relationship.  Anger and denigration are often the means used to facilitate a move towards separation.  In general, the decision is not an easy one either for the person who leaves.  Facilitating the break-up by denigrating the other person exacerbates his or her loss.  Devaluing the time shared together is particularly wounding and destructive for the person who remains.  In spite of everything there should be an obligation to show respect and honesty towards someone whom one once loved.  A separation is carried out correctly if honesty, esteem and recognition of the life shared together can be safeguarded, however difficult this may seem.

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